This afternoon, after meeting for a group project, I took my first trip through the library stacks. I was after a doctoral dissertation that is similar in nature to my own interests and ideas; I'm trying to get a topic as finalized as possible. I found the book I was looking for and was like a kid at Christmas. I love the heavy cotton pages! I love that the signatures of the evaluating committee were on the first page and they were real, with different colors of ink and everything. I read the dedication and acknowledgments, trying to figure out who the author was as a person and imagining what my own might say. I skimmed the lit review and mentally checked it against my own reading background. I looked at the recommendations for further research to see if my own work would jump off the page at me (it didn't, but it was still good stuff). I wished I could check out the book but I couldn't however I did take away with me the knowledge that I actually think I myself can do this.
I know I'm in the program so of course I should be able to do it but writing a doctoral dissertation is a whole other animal. There are many stories of those who got so close but didn't quite finish the diss, for a variety of reasons. I know it's my goal and I know I want it but it brought me a teeny tiny mental step closer to look at the rare physical object that comes out of the process, to imagine having one of my very own someday. Yeah, I'm a nerd like that, what can I say?